So What Do You Want?

It may seem elementary, but the most important step in determining how to communicate a sensitive message is to properly define our objective. We all learned in school how to formulate a thesis as the basis of a cogent paper, and how to identify a specific problem as the first step in applying the scientific method. When we take out ingredients to make a meal, we have a specific end product in mind. And typically when we get in our car and start the engine, we know which roads to take because we have determined where we want to end up.

Interestingly, we often address communication endeavors without a precise objective of the outcome we desire. We might think we do... "I want my girlfriend to stop nagging me" or "I want my boss to show me more appreciation" or "I want my teacher to lighten up". These are objectives per se, but they are general and vague and will almost always lead to ineffective methods of communication like grasping for examples to express how you feel, going down rabbit trails, or getting caught in a quagmire of emotional and inarticulate expressions.

We need to break our general need into a focused, action-based component that we can discuss without pulling in too many dimensions. So before starting a conversation, consider these alternatives to the objectives above: "I want to know what is important to my girlfriend, but I need her to understand when to let an issue rest" or "I want to talk to my boss about something I'm proud of recently accomplishing on the job and get her feedback" or "I want to let my teacher know that I value the education he is providing but I sometimes have a hard time approaching him".

Depending on individual situations, these particular examples may not work. But the idea is to go into a communication endeavor with something precise, and stay on message as much as possible. Obviously there's a lot that goes into delivering your precise message to get your desired outcome. We'll talk more about that soon.

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